Nanny's Eatery

Chicken empanadas
Jerk Pork belly
Chips
Macaroni cheese

We love the vibe at Nanny’s, it was chill and fun, the staff made you feel like they really wanted you there and wanted to make sure you were having a good time. The food was average to good. The empanadas had a lovely crisp shell but were a...

Double Vision Brewery

Marmite cheeseburger and chips
Vegetarian nachos

DVB, we need to talk. You run a bad quiz. It’s inconsistent, there are always multiple questions with ambiguous or incorrect answers, and you don’t give the answers after every round but instead save them up for some reason. You also run a bad kitchen. We weren’t impressed last time, when we gave...

Turangi Bridge Motel, Bar & Restaurant

Bread and dips
Fried camembert with plum sauce
Grilled fish, chips and salad
Steak, eggs and chips

Turangi Bridge Motel did not want us around. We showed up and asked for a table and were asked whether we had a reservation. Mate, this is a crap motel in Turangi which we can see is over half empty....

Hare & Copper Eatery

Cheesy garlic bread
Pork bao buns
Tofu bao buns
Popcorn chicken
Roasted bone marrow with bacon marmalade
Jalapeno poppers
Apple & rhubarb crumble with ice cream
Churros with dulce de leche

It’s a risk to open up a high end sharing plates joint on the outskirts of Turangi. Where will the customers come...

Baked With Love Cafe & Cakery

Pumpkin tart
Pork belly bao buns
Lemon curd cheesecake
Passionfruit, mango, pineapple, and banana smoothie
Berry, banana, and date smoothie

It’s hard to follow the excellent pork bao buns of Hare and Copper just twelve hours later, it’s a bit like walking on the stage after Elton John has absolutely lit a crowd on fire. But...

Upesh Kitchen

Paneer korma
Cheese dosa
Dhal
Plain roti
Rice

While they do technically offer dine in eating, this is really a suburban Indian/Malaysian takeaway joint. We were the only people eating in, in fact we were probably the only people who have eaten in there all year. They don’t even offer plates, just the serving dishes that...

Parrotdog Bar

Fried cauliflower
Vegetarian burger
Broccolini salad
Bean salad

Broccollini salad hrough and finished the updated Parrotdog menu again, sampling two different salads tonight. The broccolini was marvellous, it had a sesame dressing which tasted great and puffed rice for a fun texture. Very happy to have that again.

If someone makes us eat the bean salad again,...

Burger Wisconsin

Charlie Brown burger
Vegan hemp burger
Hash sticks
Caramel milkshake

The randomiser was in force even more than usual for this meal. Burger Wisconsin (albeit a different branch) is a takeaway destination of ours where we are working through the entire menu using the random number generator. So tonight we selected not just our destination but our...

Pandan Asian Cuisine

Lamb tikka masala
Tofu rendang
Garlic chennai
Butter chennai

If you are looking for excellent service, then look no further than Pandan Asian Cuisine. The guy looking after our table was downright delightful, he hit the perfect balance between attentive, charming, and professional.

The food didn’t quite reach such a high, but it was still good. The...

CoCo at The Roxy

Arancini balls
Fried feta
Brisket and cheddar croquettes
Roast brussels sprouts and parsnip
Dark chocolate terrine
Caramel flan

CoCo at The Roxy is a restaurant attached to a cinema. Unlike most cinema restaurants, this one is actually good. The vibe was nice, the menu interesting, and the service exceptional. Yes, sometimes you can hear rumbling...

Ohtel Pantry

Sausage roll Prosciutto, parmesan, and cheddar toasted sandwich Orange cake Baked cheesecake

Ohtel, stop it. Stop serving dinner when you are not equipped to do so. You are kidding yourself if you think tonights dinner was alright, or even passable. We get that you want to sell some evening drinks. You’ve got somebody sitting around at reception, might as well...

Parrotdog Bar

Chicken burger
Fish burger
Iceberg lettuce, fried chickpeas, radish and blue cheese salad

Twist! After our quiz team took a break for nearly two months, we were shocked to find on our return to Parrotdog that the menu had changed again! This time it was just the salads that had a revamp though, rather than the entire menu....

Tarras Country Cafe

Cheese roll
Tomato and basil soup
Carrot cake

We’ve made some pretty bad tomato soups over the years. Our Revive Kitchen cookbooks are primarily to blame, so imagine our surprise when we were served what seemed to be one of our own terrible soups. Surely they aren’t cooking the same sad recipes as us, we only cook a...

Reflections

Oxtail ragu with broccolini and parmesan gnocchi
Breads and dips

Okay first things first, that wasn’t a ragu. Second things second, that wasn’t broccolini. We weren’t born yesterday, you can’t sneak regular plain old broccoli past us, and you especially can’t if you’re also charging swanky place prices.

We were completely baffled by some of the choices the chef...

Pembroke Patisserie

Caramel tart
Almond, ginger, and pear tart
Berry Danish
Orange and almond scroll
Maple tea

Tucked away five minutes out of Wanaka, there is an excellent bakery. The locals all know, and the entrance is a cramped snake of expectant patrons. They only have about 8 tables so be prepared to sit outside or take away.

Miss Lucy's

Margarita pizza
Loaded tater tots

Miss Lucy’s sits atop a backpackers in Queenstown and serves cocktails that are befitting of their station. The espresso martini was all foam and not sweet enough, and the dark & stormy way too gingerey and also unmixed so the first mouthful was nothing but rum. Unfortunately Miss Lucy’s wasn’t saved by the food,...

Kai Whakapai

Katsu chicken burger with chips and aioli
Mushroom, onion jam and walnut pizza

Kai Whakapai, we need to talk. You’ve been on this busy corner for 25 years and you’ve gotten complacent. You were lucky to become an institution, we’ve seen better establishments than you come and go. Business Andy has fond memories of previous visits here, and we...

The Spice Room

Potato cake sliders
Malai kofta with rice
Plain naan
Cheese naan

What a mix! The Spice Room managed to serve us 4-worthy as well as 1-worthy dishes tonight. But before we talk about the food, we need to mention 2005s Crazy Frog. What’s that? You weren’t expecting to hear Crazy Frog in an Indian restaurant? Neither were...

Botswana Butchery

Crispy squid
Saffron and osso buco risotto

Employing a eat-at-the-first-place-we-see system, we stumbled along Botswana Butchery. It’s a little bit fancy, with prices to match, but you could see and taste where the money had gone and that’s what counts.

The crispy squid was innovatively cut so there were rings but it was all still joined together as a...

Taco Loco Cantina

Deep fried halloumi balls
Jalapeno Popper
Carnitas
Jackfruit quesidilla
Banana empanadas

We dig on Mexican food and don’t get to have it very often so were excited to head to taco Loco. We were (mostly) not disappointed.

The cheesy balls were the best. Crispy, perfectly hot and cheesy as. Shout out to the jalapeno poppers too,...

Rainbow Playlab Cafe

Feta and spinach roll
Kumara chips
Fish burger

Playlab Cafe is a more sophisticated dining establishment at rainbows end, which they describe as “our allergen and cultural friendly dining zone”. Ooh lah lah.

The feta and spinach roll exceeded expectations. The flavour was reasonable and the pastry was crispy. A dipping sauce wouldn’t have gone astray.

Kumara chips...

Federal Delicatessen

Poutine with pastrami
American hot dog

Now that we’ve eaten at this cool diner twice, we have been accepted into the ranks of the Cool People™. Don’t even speak to us if you are one of those unacceptably lame losers who would call Federal Delicatessen by it’s full name, sheesh, we’ll be referring to it as the Fed Deli...

Scorch O Rama

Vegetarian big breakfast
Pulled pork nachos

Despite its name, Scorch O Rama is a very popular cafe. We went on Matariki and it was heaving. It took a while to make our order and a while for our drinks to arrive, but once we had ordered, the wait for food was pretty reasonable considering how busy it was. Luckily...

Parrotdog Bar

Cheese burger
Fish burger

After only a few outings, we have again finished the Parrotdog menu and are ready to once more issue an overall rating. While Parrotdog’s performance has improved a bit, it wasn’t enough to push them out of the overall 2 category. Keep reaching for that rainbow, Parrotdog. We look forward to giving you another chance...

Valentines

Buffet style meals

Oh my god Valentine’s still exists! We all have fond memories of birthdays at Valentine’s. The fee,-rexs mum used to fill a serviette with jellybeans and stuff it in her purse. We were thrilled to see the old classics were still there, even the traffic light and pink panther.

When we arrived there were a good twenty...

Riverstone Kitchen

Pumpkin soup
Linguine with pork sausage
Breads and hummus
Deep fried Spanish custard with salted caramel ice cream

When you taste a 4, you know it. While some 4s are fancy, they don’t have to be. Riverstone kitchens pumpkin soup was a great example of this. From the first sumptuous mouthful it was obvious we were dealing...

Coffee Culture

Halloumi bagel
Spinach and mushroom filo
Lemon syrup cake
Banana smoothie

Coffee Culture seems to exist solely to prove that books shouldn’t be judged by their covers. They have all the trappings of a nice cafe, bustling central city location, chic decor, a line of busy people collecting coffees, and a nice looking cabinet. But all of...

Parrotdog Bar

Fried chicken
Chicken burger
Roast pumpkin salad

A better showing tonight, but to be fair, the best two thirds of our meal was essentially the same thing: fried chicken.

The pumpkin salad was unusual. Or at least the labneh that came with it was unusual, the puffed rice on top was fun and the pumpkin was well roasted,...

Sierra Coffee Queensgate

Bacon and egg pie
Feta, pumpkin and caramelised onion tart
Banana smoothie

Hey, Sierra Cafe. If you offer banana smoothies, but all you have is unripe green bananas, take the smoothie off the menu for a few days until those bad boys yellow up. How dare you serve us what tasted like a banana skin smoothie. Unripe bananas...

Kopi-Tiam Cafe

Tofu goreng
Hokkien style noodles
Curry puffs

Kopi-Tiam is a sleepy looking Southeast Asian takeaway joint that also has a few tables for dine in. You never know what you’re going to get in a place like this, but you can colour us pleasantly surprised. The curry puffs were hot and fresh with soft innards and no unwelcome...

The Inn Keeper of Johnsonville

Beef & Guinness pie with salad
Haloumi butty with salad and chips

We’ve been in the game for a while now, and have a hot tip to share, for all budding restaurant owners. It’s very helpful for customers to know that some things are unavailable before ordering. It’s less helpful to find out after ordering. The Inn Keeper actually...

The Plaza

Roast vegetables
Brownie
Banana smoothie

It takes balls to dump a plate of boiled vegetables in front of someone who ordered roast vegetables and pretend like nothing is wrong. It turns out that balls is what The Plaza has got.

Inexplicably, the “roast” vegetable dish that they proudly labelled as “vegetarian” on their menu came with a generous...

Captain Andy's Beach Bar & Grill

Thai vegetarian curry and rice
The works burger with chips

Captain Andy has taken us all hostage. If you can’t be bothered leaving the resort to eat somewhere else, and the Captain knows you can’t, you lazy sods, then you’re going to have to eat what the Captain makes. Under no other circumstances could you get away with serving...

Parrotdog Bar

Cheese platter
Veg burger and chips
Market fish salad

It’s becoming a bit of a trend when we eat here, some things are quite good, but something else is just abysmal. Tonight’s loser was the market fish salad, which it turns out, was code for cold beans, corn, and capsicum, with some fish and super crispy tortillas, and...

Little Polynesian Resort

Pork belly wrap
Sizzling Mongolian beef

That’s more like it Raro! This was easily the best meal we’ve had on the island, and truly a delight. The pork belly was juicy and sweet with great cracking and a nice homemade pawpaw chutney. The Mongolian beef was exactly what you’d expect - boiling hot, sticky, sweet and saucy. It wasn’t...

Captain Andy's Beach Bar & Grill

Bacon cheeseburger with chips
Island fries

Captain Andy, you salty dog, you did it again. On a rainy night, we found ourselves out of other options and forced to dine once more at the Captains table. What a disaster. While the food was better, the overall experience was a red hot mess.

Heaps of the menu was unavailable -...

Vaima Restaurant & Bar

Roast pork belly with honey glazed carrots and dauphinoise potato
Pepperoni pizza

With our hired bikes, and clear weather, we thought we’d strike out and free ourselves from the clutches of Captain Andy. But it turns out that the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t. Nothing good was waiting for us here.

Right off the...

Kai & Co

Fish burger and chips
Lasagne
Banana smoothie

Bananas here are so much more flavourful than in NZ and it really showed in the smoothie, which also rated highly for texture and coldness. The lasagne was serviceable. It came with Watties tomato sauce on the side which was a weird pairing. Does the chef not have confidence in their...

Captain Andy's Beach Bar & Grill

Hawaiian chicken burger with chips
Coconut noodle salad

Captain Andy doesn’t seem to care much that such bad food is being served on his watch. We don’t even know why we keep coming back. Okay scratch that, we know exactly why we keep coming back. It’s because he’s the only food for miles in every direction, and it was...

Wilson Barbeque

Brisket
Pulled pork burger with chips
Cornbread with whipped honey butter

Dry. There’s a word you don’t want or expect to associate with a BBQ joint. But it was the number one descriptor of both the cornbread and the brisket. That is a crime. And especially after this restaurant waxed lyrical, harped on, in fact, about how much...

Parrotdog Bar

Caesar salad with haloumi added
Fried cauliflower with pickles
Beef burger

In a shocking twist, just a few short weeks after we issues our first ever Overall Rating™, Parrotdog has changed their menu. With a new menu comes a new opportunity to impress us. Have they read our review? Everything we panned is gone, but to be fair,...

Empire Cinema & Eatery

Pizza capricciosa
Fried chicken

While we thoroughly enjoyed seeing The Goose in his latest smash hit, we didn’t enjoy our meal quite as much. Much like The Goose, the toppings on the pizza were truly larger than life itself. Too large, in fact. But had they been smaller, the pizza sauce would still have been bad. The base was...

Mexico Te Aro

Guacamole with totopos Fried chicken Pulled pork taco Lamb taco Smoky beef taco Fried cauliflower Chimichangas s’mores

Another strong showing from Mexico tonight. Only two items didn’t measure up. The lamb taco, which sounded delicious on the menu, was dry and half the ingredients were imperceptible. The chimichangas s’mores sounded outstanding, but were mostly empty space and marshmallow. Also, giving...

Parrotdog Bar

Marinated olives
Bread, cheese and dips
Salami with bread, dip and cornichons
Heirloom tomato salad

This is an illustrious night for Business Andy and the Fee-Rex. For the first time ever, we have finished a restaurant’s menu. We have now tried every item on the Parrotdog menu, except the ceviche salad and the pickled veg (cos, gross)....

Saigon Taste

Beef and vegetable stir fry with crispy noodles
Vietnamese pancake with tofu, mung beans, mushrooms, and salad

Saigon Taste? More like Saigon waste-of-our-time, Saigon make-you-wait, Saigon hope-you-weren’t-in-a-hurry. If it isn’t clear, we were displeased with the wait, which was 15 minutes to order, and then 45 minutes for our food. The table behind us loudly complained that they had...

Pickles Perch

Halloumi salad
Mushrooms on toast with poached egg

Let’s attend to the grammatical elephant in the room. It’s clearly meant to be Pickle’s Perch. The company branding makes it obvious that this eatery is affiliated with a sulfur crested cockatoo named Pickles. The eatery is his Perch. Pickle’s Perch. The Facebook page even has a picture of a cockatoo...

Double Vision Brewery

Philly cheese steak sandwich
Haloumi sandwich

DVB has a simple menu of bar snacks, burgers and sandwiches. The haloumi sandwich was okay - plenty of haloumi, enough to fall out on the floor, and the pesto and sundried tomatoes paired well with it. The Philly cheese steak sandwich was controversial. Everyone could agree there was too much cheese and...

Parrotdog Bar

Mushroom, hummus and avocado sandwich with chips
Chicken salad sandwich with chips
Pitas and hummus

A bit of an unfortunate showing from Parrotdog tonight. The pitas were disasterously over-crisp, they shattered in your mouth and the hummus wasn’t very flavourful. The chicken sandwich was very large, but the chicken itself was bland and by half way through you...

Parrotdog Bar

Chips
Cheeseburger
Um-possible vege burger

Parrotdog is a craft brewery that does a wicked Thursday night quiz and a pretty good burger. The menu is small, allowing them to churn the food out fast. The chips were fresh and delicious, thin cut, well salted, skin on and had a rather nice tomato sauce. The two burgers were essentially...

Adzuki Bean Cafe & Restaurant

Pan fried terakihi with roast potatoes, beans, tomato and mushroom and a creamy sauce
Hash brown stack with poached eggs, hollandaise, bacon, avocado and tomato
Banana smoothie

The adzuki bean is what red bean paste, common in Asian baking, is made of. And just like biting into a bun and finding it full of red bean paste, this...

KFC

Wicked wings
Colonel burger
Zinger stacker burger
Chips
Potato & gravy
Bread roll

The drive towards KFC, after we realised that we were going to be dining here thanks to the system, was perhaps the best part of Business Andy’s week. It’s no secret that he has been hanging out to review them for some...

Swagat India Brooklyn

Swagat paneer with rice and plain naan
Chicken pulusu with rice and chilli cheese naan

Complimentary poppadoms - check. Fast service - check. Warm plates - no check. Despite this faux pas, we had a very good meal at Swagat India. The curries were both quite special and were different to what we’ve had before. They’d even sprinkled a...

The Quay Cafe

Mushrooms on toast
Waffles with banana and vanilla creme fraiche
Banana smoothie

Quay Cafe know how to get food out fast. Some of it is good, and some of it is really not. The mushrooms on toast were fantastic, and would qualify for a 4 on their own. But the waffles were awful. They were clearly not made...

Autobahn Cafe

Arancini balls
Pork belly
Fried cauliflower
Duck liver pate
Chocolatete mousse dome
Creme brûlée

At Latitude 37 everything was good, but nothing was excellent. Across the board there were no standouts in either direction, it was just universally enjoyable. They could do with turning the music down a few decibels as you definitely had to...

Rust Licensed Gourmet Burger Bar

Sriracha fried chicken burger
Fish tacos

If you put the word “Gourmet” in your burger title, you’d better be ready to bring the heat. Unfortunately, Rust was not. The biggest problem was the chicken. The pieces were absolutely colossal, way too much for a burger. The coating was poorly adhered to the meat so when you bit into it...

Valentino's Italian Restaurant

Penne cacciatore
Eye fillet with rosemary and red wine sauce and chips

Their tagline reads “The ultimate Italian venue for Pizza, Pasta, Seafood and Steaks.” So you could colour us surprised when we found there were no pizzas on the menu and the steak was one of the worst we’ve ever had.

Valentino’s opened in 1990, and it hasn’t...

Bay Plaza Hotel Restaurant

Nut crusted fish with new potatoes, green beans, spring onions and olives with butter sauce
Chicken burger and chips

There is something woefully sad about an empty hotel restaurant. Phil the duty manager was a true delight, but the place smelt like a bus and we were the only ones there. We’ve experienced this in other failing restaurants and...

The Botanist

Deep fried cauliflower
Mushroom, coconut, and sage soup
Cheeseburger and chips

Before we talk food, let’s talk service. We’re not upset, they were short staffed, and the people who actually turned up were very friendly. But plates were left on tables an embarrassingly long time, so long that we were suffering second hand anxiety over them. The waiter...

Sprig + Fern Berhampore

Margherita pizza
Polenta chips

Someone call the exterminator, this place is infested. With kids. We’ve been here on multiple occasions and it’s pretty normal for the inside to be teeming with young’uns. Sprig + Fern encourages this through allowing BYO food and having toys on hand. Luckily there is a nice outdoor area for adults to escape to, as...

Mingle Cafe & Eatery

Southern style chicken wrap
Breakfast burger & chips

Not a great showing. Perhaps they were just so busy with a karate ceremony in the back*, and the accompanying afternoon tea that our meals were just an afterthought. It certainly took a long time for the food to come out, especially so when you realise that we were the only...

Spice Traders

Butter chicken with rice and cheese & garlic naan Malai kofta with rice and plain naan

No lube, in we go. This was the worst curry chicken we have ever had. And that’s saying something. It was dry, beyond dry. Arid. How did it get so dry? It had come from a bain-marie, and yeah it had probably been there...

Kelburn Village Pub

Asian salad with carrot, vermicelli, almond, and peanut dressing Fried chicken burger with bacon and cheese
Sticky date pudding with ice cream
Churros with butterscotch and chocolate sauces

Kelburn Village Pub has more of a restaurant ambience, dark with widely spaced tables and candles. They made some very good food … and some very bad food. Also, they...

The Victoria Tavern, Petone

Flatbread with beetroot hummus and dukkah
Beef cheek with fried cabbage, mash, parship batons and jus
Spiced cauliflower steak with cauliflower puree and pesto
Peanut butter mousse and ice cream

Oh dear, a few mistakes made tonight. Keep going like this and you’ll find yourself at a 1, Victoria Tavern. Their most glaring error was describing the...

Turangi Tavern

Supreme pizza
Meat lovers pizza

Looking for a late night (8pm!) meal in Turangi. Well you’re out of luck. Even the supermarket is closed! Valentino’s, which says it’s open til 10, closed. Burger King is open, but who’s that desperate. Enter the hero of the evening, Turangi Tavern, serving meals til 8.30.

The atmosphere was classic small town pub....

Tongariro Lodge

Breads and dips
Crispy skin salmon with potato and courgette
Mushroom, walnut, feta, and truffle oil risotto
Broccoli with sesame and soy
Chips
Chocolate brownie
Sticky date pudding

The last time we had the misfortune of dining at Tongoriro Lodge, they crushed us with a disgusting lump of clammy John Dory, and we crushed...

Pauly's Diner

Salt & pepper squid salad
Kumara loaded fries
Chilli cheese burger
Strawberry milkshake
Caramel milkshake

Pauly’s Diner continues to impress. The chilli cheese burger was sumptuous and the loaded fries very tasty (thanks blue cheese sauce). However, when you’re at the top there’s only one way to go, and we do need to issue a couple...

Queen Sally's Diamond Deli

Mini pizza with artichoke, tomato, and pesto
Toasted spicy pumpkin, cheese, onion, and spinach sandwich
Passionfruit, lemon, and coconut slice

Queen Sally’s is a small, quirky deli with a particular emphasis on vegetarian/vegan food. In fact, we didn’t notice any options with meat, although their website says they have two meat options available at a time. Their...

Tandoori Dhaba

Malai kofta with plain naan and rice
Mughlai aloo with garlic naan and rice

We have long suspected that in most Indian restaurants there are several dishes which are exactly the same sauce but in the menu multiple times under different names. Tonight, we finally had confirmation. When we ordered the malai kofta and the mughlai aloo, we weren’t...

Kanama Kopi Kadai

Vegetarian mamak mee goreng
Beef rendang
Milo tarik

It’s not common to get one noticeably nice server let alone two, which was the full front of house staff at Kanama Kopi Kadai. They were a delight. Also delightful was that mamak mee goreng. Holy hell, it did everything right and then some. They cut the vegetables up small,...

Wildflower

Six course degustation

This meal pushed the boat out in terms of ingredients, textures, and flavours. While we appreciate innovation, the skill and hard work of the chefs, and love to try something new, not every course was a winner.

We won’t even attempt to accurately describe the dishes. When each came out, the waiter settled into a lengthy exposition...

Homestead Brewery

Chicken and veal burger with chips
Fish and chips

We would argue that fish and chips should come with a salad. We think it’s pretty normal, and having something to cut through the grease is valuable. Looks like Homestead Brewery doesn’t agree. That said, the chips were great, but the fish was very crisp. Too crisp.

The burger was...

Khandallah Trading Company

Haloumi fries with chilli sour cream
Korean pork belly bites
Vegetarian lasagne with salad
Double beef burger with chips and aioli

Tonight Khandallah Trading Company served us two good meals, one great meal, and one absolute clanger that can burn in the pits of hell as far as we are concerned.

Let’s start from the top. The...

Common Ground Cafe

Poached eggs on toast with haloumi
Mushrooms on toast
Banana smoothie

Common Ground Cafe puts in a solid performance in the brunch space, including fast service despite being busy. The menu is traditional but with a little bit of flair. The poached eggs were top notch, and the toast fresh and tasty. The mushrooms were a little controversial....

Pinch of Spice

Onion bhaji
Methi paneer
Chicken nilgiri
Plain naan
Cheese and garlic naan

We’ve only eaten out twice on Invercargill and by coincidence both have been Indian restaurants, for the record, Pinch of Spice is superior to Curry Guru the Malabar Kitchen in every way apart from the paneer.

Our curries were exciting and inventive. On multiple...

Manapouri Cafe & Dairy

Fish and chips
Beef burger and chips

Manapouri Cafe & Dairy is the closest eatery to the popular Lake Manapouri jetty, so a certain amount of business is always going to come their way, and they know it. Consequently they haven’t put an awful lot of effort into their menu or cookery. The cook had a panicked vibe to...

Indian Sweets & Snacks

Chicken jalfrezi
Malai kofta
Plain naan
Jalebi
Gulab Jamun

Indian sweets and snacks offers a full curry and naan menu as well as some Thai and Chinese options. However we theorise that all these main meals are really an afterthought, with the sweets and snacks (of which there is a wide variety across two deli cases...

Hayz at the Anchorage

Half roast mutton bird with stuffing, blueberry jus, seasonal vegetables, and mash
Ribs with salad and chips

Dining options are limited in Bluff. In fact, unless you want to eat a toastie and chips while being called a Covid Nazi at the local anti-vax hotspot, The Eagle, Hayz at the Anchorage is your only choice.

This restaurant embraces local...

Toastie Lords - Picton

Ivan toastie: pastrami, sauerkraut, pickles, cheese
Custard filled donut

After our misadventures earlier that morning at London Quay Cafe, you’ll not be surprised to hear that we were still in the market for breakfast. We spied a little toastie place two doors down and boy are we glad that we did.

The menu was small but innovative, there were...

London Quay Cafe

Fresh fruit salad with Greek yoghurt
Mocha

The problem with cafe breakfast is that it’s all the same, but nowhere is this more true than at London Quay Cafe. We’re sure that you could guess every single thing that was on the menu. Take a few wild guesses, we’ll wait.

Toasted muesli: check

Eggs Benedict: check

Bacon and eggs:...

Bay of Many Coves Resort

Grazing platter
Duck liver parfait
Tomato and mozzarella
Eye fillet with roast kumara and seasonal vegetables
Pan fried chicken with mashed potato and seasonal vegetables
Dark chocolate tart with pop rocks
Mille-feuille

Bay of Many Coves is a luxury resort in the Marlborough sounds. While we will confine our review to their meals, we...

Kilim Petone

Spanakopita and salad
Haloumi, Turkish bread, falafel

Kilim was doing a roaring trade, and we can see why. Everything was fresh and tasty, and came out nice and fast. The falafel was controversial - it was different to normal, being green rather than yellow inside. In The Fee-Rex’s opinion it was superior to normal falafel, less grainy and a...

Creel Tackle House & Cafe

Almond croissant
Chicken, leek & mustard pie

Yes, you read the title correctly. This cafe is part of a tackle house. As in a place where fishing tackle is sold. Nestled amongst the fishing flies, rods and nets is this dinky and popular eatery. The food was pretty good. The croissant was fresh and flavourful, although perhaps a little...

Turangi Bridge Motel, Bar & Restaurant

Venison pie with chips
Vegetable stack

What a venison pie. Excellent pastry, excellent gravy, excellent chips, and two excellent sauces. The meat was a bit dry, but that was the only misstep.

While a lot of effort had been put into the stack, it didn’t quite work. The heart of the stack was a feta and spinach patty that...

Wairakei Resort Taupo

Lamb burger and chips
Mushroom soup

The soup wasn’t great, it was a bit oily, a bit salty, and a bit peppery. And it wasn’t very mushroomey. Mushroom soup doesn’t have to be super creamy to be good, but it does have to be at least a little mushroomey. The bread on the side was nice though.

The burger...

Riverside Bar & Restaurant

Scotch fillet with chips, carrots and asparagus
Crumbed terakihi with new potatoes and salad

You don’t expect to find an elegant restaurant after driving past cabins, a trampoline, and a playground in a camp ground. It’s just so incongruous and unexpected, but that’s exactly what we found here. The restaurant is dressed up as a classy joint - tablecloths,...

Licorice Cafe

Creamy mushrooms on toast
Stuffed kumara
Liquorice slice

If a place is named Licorice Cafe, you’d expect a pretty great liquorice slice. As it turns out, the liquorice slice is not the main event here, liquorice is displayed on every wall for sale.

The slice itself was mostly just sugar, with coconut on the side, we couldn’t taste...

Tejano Cantina

Jalapeno poppers
Queso
Tacos: tempura battered fish, carne asada, and popcorn cauliflower
Loaded nachos with pulled pork

We made a terrible error here ordering food that was labelled with a red chilli pepper. That is on us, luckily it was only the popcorn cauliflower taco and aside from setting us on fire it was pretty good. The...

Pauly's Diner

Chicken burger
Honey butter fried chicken basket
Blue cheese & hot sauce fried chicken basket
Potato fries
Banana shake

Note that this meal was shared between four people.

Wowzers. What a meal. It was so good that we’re still buzzing about it days later. Everything was perfect. The shake was out of this world, how did...

Oreti Restaurant

Duck thigh, with roast carrot purée, roast potatoes, broccolini, and a port wine reduction
Pan fried snapper on roast potatoes with broccolini and salsa

Twenty or thirty years ago, this place would have been very elegant, but it’s just starting to get a little tired. Speaking of things that are tired, we were exhausted after trying to order cocktails....

Hydro Eatery

Battered fish bite Turkish pocket with chips
Beef burger with chips

Real talk, Hydro Eatery, a pocket holds things. A Turkish bun cut in half, toasted and sandwiched with hot contents is a burger. Additionally, a fish bite can be eaten by a human in one or two bites. Your bites were so big that they were basically a...

The Victoria Tavern, Petone

Sourdough with truffle butter
Battered calamari
Beef skewers with satay sauce
Roast half chicken with duck fat potatoes, broccolini and crispy capers
Pan fried gurnard with saffron risotto and crispy capers

Friday night and The Vic was pumping. It’s another up-market pub, but had a killer cocktail selection (shout out to the Ginger Kiss) and an...

South Sea Hotel

Fish burger and chips
Potato and celeriac soup with ciabatta

How can you serve us fish with no tartare sauce last night, then serve a fish burger replete with tartare sauce today? You clearly had some, so you can’t play the “it’s hard to get stuff delivered to Stewart Island” card. It was a nice tartare sauce too, and...

Kika

Duck waffle with beet puree and goats feta crema
Fresh burrata, beetroot, truffle and honey, walnut, and rye bread
Jerusalem artichoke, goat’s curd, coffee, hazelnut, and parmesan
Pork belly with celeriac and persimmon
Patate fritte with black garlic
Cos lettuce, garlic tahini dressing, and radish
Crème fraîche cheesecake, pear sorbet, vanilla poached pears

Perhaps...

The Gipsy Moth

Fish tacos
Buttermilk fried chicken with aioli

Expectations aren’t high when you’re eating at an airport, especially when the last airport cafe you ate at crushed all hope for the future. Imagine our shock when we were served some really nice fried chicken at the Gypsy Moth. Juicy, not too greasy, crispy on the outside, hot, and fresh. The...

The Courthouse Cafe

Pork belly and brie ciabatta
Cheese scone
Tan slice

We would eat cakes and slices at Courthouse Cafe all day long. The cabinet was huge and all looked delicious, the menu sounded pretty good too but it was not a large menu at all. The cheese scone tragically came with refrigerated butter, and not enough to boot but...

South Sea Hotel

Mexican bean nachos
Battered fish, chips and coleslaw

Despite being a Tuesday night during the off-season amidst a pandemic which precludes all international tourism, the South Sea Hotel was pumping. The food and drink was flowing, and everybody seemed to be having a good time. They undoubtedly benefit from being the only restaurant on Stewart Island that’s open during...

Curry Guru The Malabar Kitchen

Paneer butter masala and rice
Butter chicken and rice
Plain naan
Cheese and garlic naan

Curry Guru was a mixed bag. On one hand, their paneer was truly excellent; soft, delicious, great texture, and the accompanying sauce was pretty good. However, the butter chicken had a serious case of tomato soup-itis, although it did contain plenty of...

Sal's Authentic New York Pizza

Nonna pizza (mozzerella, parmesan, garlic, basil) with chicken

We’re not experienced with New York style pizza, but Sal’s fare does meet the depiction we are familiar with from TV and movies; large (check), thin (check), floppy (check), had to fold it down the middle to eat it (check). The tomato sauce and general flavour was pretty nice, dough was a...

Catlins Inn

Beef nachos
BBQ beef & bacon cheeseburger with chips

Rolling into Owaka on a Monday night, we weren’t spoiled for dining choices. In fact, the Catlins Inn was the only place open, and was doing a roaring trade. Credit where credit was due, they had only one member of bar staff and she was running an extremely tight ship....

Salt Bar & Restaurant

Karaage chicken burger with chips
Roast vege salad with slow cooked lamb shoulder

It’s not every day that you order an award winning burger, but that’s exactly what you get here. This burger won the Dunedin Burger Society People’s Choice award last year, and frankly we need to have a word. Either they didn’t serve the same burger last...

Dunedin Social Club

Mushroom & spring onion arancini
Pulled pork cheeseburger with chips

Dunedin Social Club is more a bar with a menu than a restaurant. Or rather, a raspberry and lemonade dispensary with a bar and menu attached; jug after jug of the house specialty was served while we were there. And there weren’t even many other people there with us....

The Black Dog Kitchen & Bar

Black dog burger with chips
Grilled fish with lemon pepper, cherry tomatoes, chips and salad

The Black Dog is making an effort, and it shows. Many places like this that have a number of drawcards - open breakfast til late, have a full bar, a gaming lounge and serve reasonably priced food, seem to think “a certain number of...

Mission Estate Winery

House made loaf with olive oil, balsamic, and dukkha
Salt and pepper squid
Leek and cauliflower croquette
Wagyu beef brisket, miso custard, soba noodle and squid ink crisp
Creamed pumpkin tagliatelle
Duck breast with beetroot gratin and cumquat marmalade
Roast banana and caramel brûlée

Mission Estate is a beautiful historic venue, and as it...

Soul Bar & Bistro

Chicken breast with kale pesto and a walnut crumb
Beef short rib ragu

We were very impressed by the chicken, anyone who can take kale and turn it into something that the Fee-Rex wants to scrape up every last morsel of is a genius in our books. The walnut provided an incredible texture contrast, and it wasn’t a miserable...

New York Grill

Bruschetta
Pear, parmesan, and rocket salad
Spring vegetable rigatoni

This place looks a bit plush, vaulted tiled ceilings, green leather booths, cloth napkins, the whole shebang. The food is on the fancy side, but the prices weren’t that high considering. The bruschetta was a standout, and was made with three different varieties of cherry tomato, so it looked...

Federal Delicatessen

Griddle cake
Cinnamon scroll

Federal Delicatessen is cool. A lot of effort has been made to make this place look like an old New York Deli, and we felt several degrees cooler just sitting there. Likewise, the menu is very American, you can order bottomless tea and filter coffee, there’s pastrami everywhere, you can get pie by the slice,...

Der Metz

Deutsche platte (big ol’ platter of meats)
Jägerschnitzel (beef schnitzel with mushroom gravy)

The decor at Der Metz, like the meat, was plentiful, overwhelming, and excellent. The walls were covered in all sorts, but dominated by a giant portrait of Kaiser Wilhelm. The waitresses wore dirndls, and the beer came in 1L steins, making it look very German in...

Mexico Petone

Pumpkin and potato croquettes
Pork belly skewers
BBQ jackfruit quesadillas
Fried chicken

In the past we’ve really enjoyed jackfruit, and would even suggest that it’s a good substitute for traditional meat filling in a quesadilla, being most similar to pulled pork. Unfortunately the jackfruit was a bit underwhelming, and there was no discernable BBQ taste. The chicken...

Tongariro Lodge

John Dory on Israeli couscous with salsa
Lamb rump, roast root veggies with red wine jus

This fish was the worst meal we have had in a long time. Bearing in mind that this establishment is part of a fishing lodge, you’d think they would know how to make a tasty fish meal. So colour us shocked when, for...

Jumpstart Cafe

Pulled pork burger
Fruit salad
Lemon bread
Liver lover juice
Mixed berry smoothie

The Fee-Rex used to work at an Indian restaurant, now closed, where the Jumpstart Cafe currently stands. Give our experience, we don’t think this establishment will be around long either. While not ghastly, the meal was highly underwhelming. The highlight was the lemon...

The Coffee Club

Beef brisket burger with chips Vegan chicken salad
Banana and honey smoothie

You may be wondering why we are reviewing a chain such as The Coffee Club. In this particular instance, there are two reasons. Firstly, no one is safe from Business Andy and the Fee-Rex. We will review any establishment, as long as it is dine-in. Secondly, the...

Cafe Huhu

Spiced Lamb Rump, Curry-Roasted Cauliflower, Kumara, Chickpeas, Cashews, Kusundi (gf)
Mushroom Fettuccine, Basil Oil, Parmesan (v)
Apple & Rhubarb Crumble, Vanilla Bean Ice Cream

Excellent meal, diverse menu, the dessert menu stood out.